I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
