Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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