today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
