How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
