i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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