hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
