Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
