dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
