there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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