thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize