Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
