i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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