Do you still have your period?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
