he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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