3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
