hotel room ftw
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Drunk is a universal language darling
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