I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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