i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
