I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
