You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
