I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
