Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
