There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
