I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
