so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
