My hand turned me down
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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