somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
