he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
