I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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