accomplished twins. life is a go
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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