So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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