Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
