No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
