Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
