Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Holy sore nipples Batman
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
