I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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