After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
