and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
