Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
