Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
