so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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