I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
