i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
