Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
