We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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