i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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