it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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