thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There r osticjed everywhere
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
