i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
