Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm bleeding and have questions
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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