Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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