dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
