we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
