Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
