My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
