Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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