I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
