My first STD was from a foam party
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize