Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
