my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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