we have officially mastered the walk of shame
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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