boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
