Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
