Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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