My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
