so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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