I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize